| This is the story of my parents, Jean and Paul | | | | marriage. They are some of the things I remember |
| Puckett, two young people who lived through the | | | | that said they loved each other and they had |
| adventure of Pearl Harbor and then went on to share | | | | committed to each other long ago. |
| a life together for almost 60 years. | | | | Looking back, I remember breakfast as family time |
| The time is late 1940. A young man and woman | | | | for us. Dad had coffee prepared the night before so |
| from different worlds bump into each other at a | | | | all he had to do was turn the coffee maker on. Then |
| restaurant on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii. The | | | | he would go out to the driveway and collect the two |
| young man is named Paul. He has twinkling blue eyes, | | | | morning newspapers. He and Mom would drink their |
| a deep voice and he is quite handsome. Paul has | | | | coffee and work the crossword puzzles. There really |
| come from Colorado on a lark. The young woman's | | | | was a lot of competition between them when it |
| name is Jean, that's the name she chose for herself. | | | | came to working the crossword puzzles. |
| Her given name is Haruko. Jean has piercing dark | | | | Then there was the shelter dog I brought with me |
| brown eyes and black hair and she's wearing it in a | | | | from California. He was an earthquake rescue dog. His |
| loose style down to the base of her neck. But now | | | | name was Tuffy and he was a caramel colored Cairn |
| she finds herself staring into those blue eyes and | | | | Terrier-mix. We called him the ball player because he |
| wondering, "Who is this man?" At the same time he | | | | would back up running, then catch the ball in mid-air. |
| finds himself thinking that he likes everything about | | | | He would follow Dad down the hall nipping at his |
| her. It would not be long before he discovers that | | | | heels. Tuffy always barked when the phone rang. It |
| Jean is spunky. She has a little temper at times and | | | | was soon obvious that he loved men and he adored |
| she does things with a flourish. | | | | Dad. So when I moved into my own place for the |
| Soon the two are seeing each other. They go deep | | | | last time, Tuffy became my parents' dog. I took |
| sea fishing together. They spend time at the beach | | | | Kuma, another Terrier-mix with me. Feisty Kuma had |
| where Paul plays his guitar and sings a little. Other | | | | black hair and little tan eyebrows as well as tan |
| times they drive up to the Pali or into the hills where | | | | booties on her paws. She loved Dad too, but I had |
| the foliage is thick and the smell of flowers is like | | | | to have some company so off we went though we |
| perfume. He is learning about her world and she | | | | visited every week. |
| learns about his. For Paul this island is a paradise. | | | | My parents didn't go to parties or socialize much. |
| Both Jean and Paul know that there would be | | | | They both worked most of their lives and fun was |
| opposition from Jean's family and Paul can't be sure | | | | gardening or building projects at home. Dad bought a |
| of his side of the family either. But something | | | | "How To" book and built, then installed solar panels |
| happens that changes their future. Jean's sister | | | | on their last home. Ahead of the curve, they were |
| Natalie learned that she was pregnant and would not | | | | saving money on their heating costs. |
| be married. The decision is easy for Jean, she would | | | | There was also the backyard garden. That garden |
| marry and adopt Nat's baby. At the time this was | | | | was Mom's passion. In the summer she spent hours |
| unfolding people on the island are saying that war | | | | from early morning until dusk in her pride and joy, her |
| with Japan might be coming. They think that Pearl | | | | garden. Mom came in only a few times throughout |
| Harbor might be a target. As it turned out, the United | | | | the day just to eat and drink and cool off. Every |
| States had been aware that Japan was preparing for | | | | year she planted tomatoes. Her tomatoes were |
| years to enter into a war. But the next thing for | | | | pampered with their own plastic bag dispensing water |
| Jean to decide was who she would marry. Who | | | | continuously into the ground around them. Mom's |
| would want to join in this? And would it be Paul? | | | | garden usually consisted of squash, lettuce, green |
| My Dad had competition though, because Jean had | | | | onions, rhubarb, and green beans. All of these |
| another suitor, his name was Frank Brenneman. In | | | | vegetables she gladly gave to visitors and neighbors. |
| the family photo collection there is a photo of Frank, | | | | My mother was never happier then the few times I |
| black hair, dark eyes, wearing a white tropical suit. | | | | offered to help her pull those nasty weeds from her |
| Mom is wearing a stylish dress and the two are | | | | garden. |
| having dinner at what looks like an upscale restaurant. | | | | Though I never had children, my brother Paul made |
| In fact, when Frank learned of Mom's plans, he | | | | up for it by marrying and having three handsome |
| proposed. Jean turned him down saying that she was | | | | sons. The oldest two, Chris and Casey were on the |
| waiting for Paul to propose to her. Frank then | | | | Olympic Ski Team for many years. Dad was very |
| declared that he would give her a set of sterling | | | | proud. He collected all of the newspaper coverage of |
| silverware if Paul proposed within 30 days. The | | | | their races. They won many of their races and he |
| proposal took a little more than 30 days but Frank, | | | | put all of the articles into a huge scrapbook. I wish |
| being a good sport about it all, gave Mom and Dad a | | | | my Dad could be here to see his grandson Casey ski |
| half-set of silverware. I still have two pieces from the | | | | again in the 2010 Olympics. It would be a thrill for him. |
| set. Frank was a good loser and I'll bet he was a | | | | The youngest grandson though, is more like his |
| good man. Mom was lucky to have two good men | | | | grandfather. Jim looks more like Dad than anyone |
| want to marry her. | | | | else and he likes to work with his hands, again like his |
| The wedding took place on November 10, 1941, two | | | | grandfather. |
| days before I was born. At their wedding Mom is | | | | Most people would agree that my father was |
| wearing a beautiful pink wide brimmed hat, pink | | | | blessed to live a very active life, drive a car till the |
| billowy blouse and black skirt and Dad looked dapper | | | | day he died. He was able to die in his own bed at |
| in a light brown suit. At age 23, Paul is a married man | | | | home. His wife and dog were there with him. That |
| with a ready-made family. Jean would soon turn 25. | | | | seems to me a wonderful way to end a very good |
| Mom told me more than once that after they paid | | | | life. |
| the rent, paid the preacher and bought groceries to | | | | At the same time, our family was confused about |
| last for a little while, they were broke. So she | | | | Mom's health. We could see that her behavior had |
| proceeded to make a large pot of vegetable beef | | | | changed. There were problems remembering things. |
| soup, a favorite of hers for life. Thinking of how | | | | It was easy to blame it on her age but her condition |
| practical she was being, they ate that soup for three | | | | was more serious than that. It became more clear to |
| days. Dad finally said, "Jean, could we have something | | | | me one afternoon when I got to their home. Mom |
| besides soup to eat?" She laughed about it when | | | | burst into tears when she saw me. She was cooking |
| telling me this story. | | | | rice on the stove even though she had always used |
| Three weeks later on December 7, a day | | | | a rice cooker. The rice was boiling over. I walked |
| commemorated every year; my parents were living | | | | over and hugged her and she said, "I can't remember |
| in Pearl City, Hawaii, on the Island of Oahu. They told | | | | how to cook rice." We got rid of the rice and figured |
| me of hearing the planes fly over and the bombing | | | | out something for dinner. I stayed until all was calm |
| start early that morning. Dad even took home | | | | but that memory stays with me. Mom had been a |
| movies of the planes flying over. That film was | | | | cook at a barbeque restaurant. She loved cooking |
| confiscated when he turned it in to be developed. | | | | and feeding people and that instinct was still strong |
| They talked about spending nights in the fields with | | | | on the day of that incident. |
| me because it was too dangerous to be in their | | | | In spite of all the signs, when our father died we still |
| home during those first weeks following the attack. | | | | could not accept the idea that Mom had Alzheimer's |
| Any light coming from a house would become a | | | | disease. Dad's passing caused our mother's condition |
| target. Still, we were lucky in lots of ways. After the | | | | to escalate in a horrific way. A few days later, and |
| bombing, the Army kept Dad in Honolulu working on | | | | I'm sure this was her way of handling her grief, she |
| the tunnel construction. | | | | could not remember Dad. There were a few |
| When the war finally ended I had a baby brother. | | | | windows that opened and she remembered him |
| They named him Paul Walter. I know that Dad was | | | | briefly. Once she told me she remembered Dad |
| proud to have a son. For more than a year after Paul | | | | picking some flowers for her. Another time she said |
| Jr. was born, Dad worked in Korea and Guam as a | | | | that he took good care of her and I know he did, he |
| mechanic for the Army. When he came back he | | | | took care of all of us. Throughout all that she |
| brought gifts for everyone. Dad brought a lustrous | | | | endured, Mom was brave and gracious. As she had |
| strand of pearls for Mom. I remember a lacquered | | | | always done in the past, she thanked people for |
| jewelry box and other trinkets. Around that time he | | | | coming to see her. |
| decided to take the family to Colorado to live. It was | | | | The calls from the nurses came late Sunday night |
| only 4 years after the war ended and there was still | | | | and Monday morning. Monday would be Mom's last |
| strong resentment toward the Japanese. I know this | | | | day on earth. When I left my mother on Sunday |
| move was a difficult thing for our mother but she | | | | evening, I said I would be back the next day. She |
| made the move to keep our family together. | | | | gave me the last hug I would ever get, it was strong |
| It was by accident that I learned I was adopted. I | | | | and wonderful. I said, "Mom, I'll be back tomorrow, I |
| was 16 and my parents had planned to tell me once I | | | | love you." Her reply was weak, "I love you." She had |
| married. In my junior year at high school I was | | | | put such strength into her hug she could barely |
| sneaking out at night for dates with older boys. I | | | | speak. In those last years, Mom always gave "bear |
| know this hurt both parents and finally during an | | | | hugs" to show how much she loved you. That one |
| argument the secret spilled out. Mom was crying and | | | | had to last me the rest of my life. When I think back |
| she said, "It must be my fault you're going wild and | | | | to our last weekend together, I am still struck by |
| you'll end up just like your mother." Then she had to | | | | Mom's beautiful skin and her pretty face. Even the |
| tell me the whole story. I felt as though the floor had | | | | nurses commented that Sunday on how beautiful she |
| been yanked out from under me and that I didn't | | | | looked. Hearing those compliments still pleased her |
| really belong anywhere. I left the house for a few | | | | and brought a smile to her face. |
| days to stay with friends. Dad was always the peace | | | | Next day the two hospice ladies were there since |
| maker and it was the same this time. He came to | | | | morning and even though Mom could not speak or |
| see me and tell me that Mom was heartbroken and | | | | acknowledge that she could hear, they told her that I |
| he asked me to come home. Later, I know we both | | | | was on my way over. I know she was waiting, she |
| wished we could have taken back the words as if | | | | even waited until Pat and Sue went to lunch and |
| that night had never happened. But in another way, it | | | | then she died with me talking to her and holding her |
| was a relief to have the secret out. I know that the | | | | hand. She suffered through four and a half years in a |
| burden of keeping a secret and the fear had to be | | | | home for Alzheimer's patients. Finally, a broken hip |
| overwhelming. My mother worried that I too would | | | | brought her the release she had wanted for so long. |
| become an unwed mother. | | | | During those years there were so many precious |
| What Natalie, my biological mother, did by giving me | | | | times spent together. Thanks in part to the |
| up took a lot of courage. I can't imagine the | | | | medications she always knew me, her |
| heartache she endured. It may have been a little | | | | daughter-in-law, Peggy, and her son, Paul Jr. There |
| easier because she still had contact with her child. She | | | | were times Mom and I would just sit together |
| could watch me grow up. She even attended my | | | | outside in the garden watching the clouds roll by and |
| wedding. Still I'm sure it was tremendously painful for | | | | the birds flying through the bushes in front of us. |
| her. | | | | Whenever I said, "Mom do you want to sit out here |
| Natalie was a very talented artist. As the years went | | | | a little longer or go inside?" Mom always wanted to |
| by, she became more and more engrossed in her art. | | | | stay outside a little longer. Those hours will always be |
| She was even participating in sidewalk shows of her | | | | priceless memories for me. |
| paintings when she was stricken with Cancer. She | | | | In the last hours I spent with mom, and though she |
| was 42 when she died, leaving a husband, Tom, and | | | | could not respond, I told her I loved her and went on |
| two teenage children, Jeff and Lani. | | | | to remind her of something she said at her |
| Years later, from what Mom told me, I was able to | | | | grandson's wedding. She said, "I started all of this." |
| trace my biological father. After exchanging some | | | | Dad's extended family was very small since both of |
| letters and phone calls, I eventually had a meeting | | | | his sisters preceded him in death. He still had in-laws in |
| with him. I satisfied my curiosity and have to give | | | | Hawaii as well as many, many nephews and nieces. |
| him credit for showing up. I know of many men and | | | | So the decision to take my parents' ashes back to |
| women who would not agree to meet the biological | | | | Honolulu seemed logical. |
| children they had given up. However, that meeting | | | | Jean and Paul will spend eternity in Paradise Park on |
| didn't change a thing because my parents were Jean | | | | the Island of Oahu. The family gathered there one |
| and Paul. In fact, it only added to my love for my | | | | day in August and a ceremony was performed |
| parents. They gave me a good home and never | | | | placing their ashes deep in the jungle like foliage of |
| made me feel separate or that I was anything but | | | | the park. Then we went into the restaurant where |
| their own daughter. | | | | there was a buffet lunch. We spent time visiting and |
| How do you know when two people love each | | | | remembering Jean and Paul. |
| other? Other than the fact that my parents were | | | | Over the Christmas holidays I drove by my parents' |
| married for almost 60 years, there were little every | | | | old house. It was the last home they shared |
| day things to show how well they knew each other. | | | | together for 23 years. They shared many years of |
| Like Mom getting radishes and green onions from her | | | | happiness in that house. I sat there for a few |
| garden for Dad's dinner because she knew he liked | | | | minutes looking at the colored lights on the tree that |
| to have them with his meal. Or Dad painting Mom's | | | | stood in the middle of the front yard. The living room |
| room and building shelves for her while she was in | | | | window had a Christmas tree sitting in front of it and |
| the hospital. He happily surprised her with all of this | | | | the lights were on. It made me smile to see the |
| when he brought her home. Those were the little | | | | warmth coming from the house and I knew Jean and |
| threads woven over time to form the fabric of their | | | | Paul would be pleased. |